Friday, May 25, 2012

DISCLAIMER!!! If you are easily offended or offended at all, this isn't for you!

Okay so I (Tanner) am going to attempt to post a blog about a couple of funny stories we've laughed about up here. I'll start off by saying, THERE WILL BE SWEAR WORDS in this post. I will kindly put a DISCLAIMER up in these more colorful blogs. Me not telling it exactly how it all went down won't do the stories justice.

So now that we have covered the need for a disclaimer I'll get into the stories.

The first of which happened a couple weeks ago while we were in the WalMart. (I have a funny feeling most of our funny stories will happen there). If you've ever seen the webpage or ever called them WalMartians, then you know the type of people we are dealing with here. I swear all the ugly people in the world, and a select few that look like mutants all shop at the Williston WalMart.

At any rate, back to the story. So Carissa and I went into the store to do our weekly shopping. We learned not to go in on Friday night, because well, you don't have anything to choose from, as the pics show.

So unless you want the one piece of meat the rest of the mutants don't want, then you just don't have a whole lot to choose from. So I decided to go over and get some fresh ham sliced. Like any and everything in Williston, there is a huge line, so I just took my place. Naturally, they only had one lady working behind the counter, while the other lady who could've been helping, but wasn't, was wiping down her garbage cart instead. So this gruff old man, who I figured was probably living in his RV just out in the parking lot (yes, it does happen) covered from head to toe in the nastiest dirt/oil combination one can possibly imagine, comes up to me and says:
"What the F*#^. They have 20 people in line and one person working, while the other bitch wipes down her damn garbage cart?"
Me: Yeah I guess so.
Grumpy old man: This place is complete bullshit. Son-of-a-bitch I hate these people.
Me: Hahaha
GOM: All I want is my damn sandwich cut in half. Is that too damn much to ask?
Garbage Cart Cleaning Lady: Excuse me sir? I don't have time to do that shit. Look at this line! It's huge and you want us to cut your damn sandwhich?
GOM: Well damn right I do. It won't fit in the f&^%$ing fridge of my RV (I was fist pumping myself because I was right about living in the RV), if it isn't cut in half.
Garbage Lady: Can't you just rip it in half? It's a damn sandwich.
GOM: Hell yeah I can rip it, but I want it cut. It's nicer that way.
Me: HAHAHAHA, while thinking, "This guy like something nice?"
Garbage Lady: Well we are short over 300 workers and you want me to cut your damn sandwhich? I don't have time for that! And she walks off.
GOM: What the hell was that bitches problem, she took longer to argue with me than it would've taken for her to cut the damn thing.
Me: Yeah I agree. Hey why don't you just get it cut before I order, it won't take long.
GOM: Thanks man............... hahaha can you believe that grumpy old bitch?
Me: That was pretty amazing.
So he proceeds to ask the other lady to cut it, all the while complaining up and down how rude and ornery that other lady was. In the meantime, getting the sandwhich cut took longer than anyone with an IQ over 3 shouldve taken, the Garbage Lady had returned, and he got his sandwich back at the same time. He grabs it, Thanks the lady who cut it and said "Tell that other bitch thanks for her help." Just loud enough so not only can she hear it, but so can the rest of WalMart. Carissa and I were dying laughing.

So as you can see, these people dont really care for each other, and their priorities are a little bit off. Which funny enough, leads us right into the next story.

It's never a good thing when the first thing your wife says to you as you walk in the door is:

Wife: So it's no secret I see guys penis' at work right.
Me: Well I guess not, no.
Wife: Okay so this black guy (this is where I tuned her out, because she is now scarred for life, and I will never be looked at the same) came in today wanting to make sure his junk is normal.
Me: Awesome. I'm screwed.
Wife: HAHAHAHAHA, no, but he had me write a Dr's note to his girlfriend on a perscription pad letting her know everything checked out okay.
Me: Seriously? That's what he paid his co pay for, was to get his junk checked out?
Wife: Yep.

So as you can see, these mutants really have their acts together. Nothing but the finest in a boom town......... and I'm one of them for the next 3 years.

1 comment:

  1. No wonder you LOVE your job....right??? Ha ha.....Although in the post above the one with the finger on ice, I might have nightmares about it. LOVE you guys, miss you LOTS too!!!! ;)