Over the weekend Tanner started feeling sick. He stayed home from church Sunday and also took the day off of work Monday - hoping to get feeling better asap...seeing there was the possibility of a kid at any given moment. Monday was my due date - the 10th of February. We had a lazy morning and then in the afternoon I went for a decent walk with Rozzi to get her some exercise and maybe get things moving for myself. I had been having more crampy but still sporadic contractions for a few days. Monday they seemed a tiny bit worse but still nothing that made me feel like labor was impending (like I knew, anyway). I hadn't really been planning much by way of dinners. Didn't know when baby was coming and I just didn't want to be thinking about that. So each day was kind of throw something together. Tanner requested some chicken noodle soup for his poor sick self Monday so I went to the store to get the goods. I've never made that before - and it turned out pretty good. I'm a food picture lover and since it's part of the day - you'll get a pic of the soup too.
When we got there they got me in the bed and started doing all their stuff. I was only dilated to 3cm. That felt highly disappointing to me. My water wasn't supposed to break and I wasn't supposed to be in the hospital only dilated to a THREE!!! Ugh. So it began.
After that Tanner went home to get a shower and let the dogs out. Kim stayed a little longer but I ultimately told her she should go home because it was stupid to stay when I was tied to a bed and feeling just dandy and not needing help through any contractions anymore. My spirits did perk up a bit because I didn't have to feel the pain or have the mental pain of anticipating the pain. She left around 7:30. I slept for a few hours which was glorious. They came and checked me again around 10am and I really hadn't gone much more. Maybe 6cm if I remember right. So they started pitocin. Things still seemed to move SO slowly! And in the midst of it all, the nurse kept coming in saying the baby's heartbeat was dropping during the contractions. So they moved me on my side. They stopped the pitocin. They put me on oxygen. And they kept coming in. That's when I lost it. I just started bawling as much to myself as I possibly could. I was worried so much about the baby. I was expecting the doc to come in at any moment saying we had to do a c-section. And then I was just so incredibly sad that it was going the way it was. Nothing was going the way I had so badly wanted and I hate to admit that I felt spiritually abandoned. It was an extremely low point for sure. Probably going off some lack of sleep and other heightened hormones, etc as well, but it was hard. And I freaked Tanner out too, with all my stress. It felt like everything was going SO slow and Harvey never was going to get here and I had all these fears that he wouldn't make it at all. Honestly it was awful. But then they said he was doing fine. And oxygen came off and pitocin came back on. And slowly I went from a 7 to an 8 to a 9 and then a 10. Complete. Hallelujah. The nurse kept asking if I had any pressure down low and I kept saying that I couldn't feel a blasted thing. So she said the doc told her to let me stay at a 10 for an hour and then see if I felt the urge to push. I did start to feel a little pressure around 1:30, which was about an hour after I was fully dilated. She came back in and felt while I tried to push a little when I thought I was having a contraction. I really couldn't tell that much and she wasn't really guiding me that much either so I just felt like we were doing some practice rounds or whatever. Then the med student came in (who I had already told it was totally fine if she were there and performed the delivery - I had worked with her in the ER before so it was all good). Then they started pulling in the baby carts and everything. It hit me so strangely that it was happening. Like now. Like I said, everything had felt like it was so long that it still felt like it would be a week before he was born. It was such a weird feeling. But them bringing everything in was like, oh...if they think he's coming soon, he must be! And that was crazy to me.
So about quarter to two, Courtney (med student) sat on the bed and felt while I pushed. She was much more proactive about telling me when and how to push. Dr. Tong came in soon after that as well and then they were lifting my legs up and making me push super hard for 10 seconds about 3-4 times during a contraction. We missed a couple contractions in there as well. Dr. Tong had initially told me that I'd probably push for a couple hours - being my first baby and with the epidural etc. So I was still thinking that it would be a long time. I asked Courtney if she could tell from what she felt about how long it would be. And she said he'd probably be out in like 30 minutes. That shocked me. We pushed hard through maybe 2-3 more contractions and then they asked if I wanted to see his head. What?! His head was already down? So they showed me via the mirror and I got to feel his head. So crazy. The next contraction he was out - born at 2:10pm on February 11th. They pulled him out and his cord was wrapped around his neck twice and Dr. Tong let out some surprise that he had done so good with the cord like that. Then they put him right on my chest and started drying him off. I looked at him and looked at Tanner and then the tears of a joy I've never experienced came. Incredible. He was here. And he was perfect. The pushing going as well and quick as it did was a tender mercy that I had been praying for for the last few hours. I needed that. And honestly, after he was sitting on my chest, all fear and doubt and sadness and embarrassment melted away and I knew I was never spiritually abandoned - probably had much more support and watchful care than I'll ever even know.
This is one happy and proud daddy!
The night wasn't too terrible. They took him for a couple hours to take pictures and do a hearing test. He failed his right ear (both times they did it in the hospital so we have to go see an audiologist in a month. Apparently that isn't uncommon at all that they fail, but I still have anxiety over it).
They did his circumcision in the morning. So sad. Tanner came in the morning for a few hours before he had to go to a mandatory work meeting. While he was gone we had a couple other visitors but I'm dumb and forgot to take pictures. Larissa and Nikki and Colin came to say hi and bring treats. So nice!
Tanner showed up with my mom after that. She flew in right after Tanner's meeting so that worked out nicely. Then we waited a few hours till we were ready for discharge at about 4pm on Wednesday. And here's a lot more pics from the hospital.
So even though it didn't turn out like I had planned and prepared for, I could not be happier with the result. It's hard to put the emotions into words of what I'm feeling when I think about him and about being his mom and being a parent with Tanner. It's awesome. We can leave it at that and I'll just know that you other parents out there know what I mean. Or I know what you mean now :) We love you, Harvey! Welcome to the world!