35

I'm posting this as a day after my birthday but I'm actually writing it almost 2 weeks later. I really wanted to do it the evening of my birthday when all the feels were a lot more fresh. But I'm still gonna do it because it's stuff I wanted to remember. 

I feel like you really have to lower your expectations of birthdays when you are older than 30 and have little kids. Haha. I never thought I'd be like that. I've always loved birthdays and always wanted them to stay special no matter how old I got. And so often I will think that it doesn't matter and that I don't care and then as the birthday comes, I realized - you know what - this is a special day and I want it to be special :) So this year was no different. I thought of things to do but didn't really try to organize or plan anything. But it totally worked out. And the reason was not because of some significant activity or even or present or anything. There were just so many smaller things throughout the day that made me feel special and oh so happy with my life. I feel like I've really grown to appreciate where we are at right now. At the very end of what has been kind of a difficult year over all for me. A lot of challenges with my physical, mental and spiritual self,to put it in a tiny nutshell. And I really think I turned a corner after going to Time Out For Women with my fam. One specific thing was just recognizing the beauty of what our life consists of and being a mom and having a small gaggle of little people. 3 kids isn't even a lot but it has been overwhelming to me for different reasons. Which I don't need to really get into right now. But I often found myself feeling guilty about things or wishing they were older or just getting far more stressed than I needed to about things. And there's still stress and chaos and messy house but I just have really become SO in love with the kids are and the ages they are and this stage. And I'm not anxious about it changing. I'm still not perfect at living in this moment by any means, but it feels so much better. And at the end of my birthday that's kind of the feeling that was so present. Just happiness and love for my life and these people in it...(minus captain America kid, although I'm sure he's a fine individual)

I've gotten ahead of myself. The day went sort of like this. Woke up early which always happens. I was hoping for a sleep in but that's not really a realistic option these days. BUUUTT Lottie slept through the night for her 2nd time ever and that was good enough for me! Tanner gave me theeee cutest Athleta jacket and work out pants that are awesome (we've been doing so good with eating and we signed up for a personal trainer a month ago so it's fun to have some cute stuff to get our sweat on in!) So, very thoughtful. Also, there's a shirt that I love of Harvey's - a really bright yellow one with a pineapple wearing sunglasses. He doesn't really care for it and I always try to get him to wear it. Or did - in the summer. Well, I was doing something in the living room or kitchen and he told me to close my eyes while I helped him get some pants on and then he ran off and came back out and said I could open them. He was wearing that shirt and the biggest smile ever! It was the cutest thing ever and I was so impressed with him for picking something like that because he knew I loved it and it was my birthday etc. I just felt a lot of pride with him figuring out those complex types of feelings and kindness. It made my day. The kids were little angels all day and really didn't fight with each other or whine at all. And Harvey randomly throughout the day  kept jumping into me and giving me the best hugs and telling me he loved me. He did it first thing too, while we were sitting on my bed still. Gosh. He's the sweetest thing.  And then later he'd randomly start singing happy birthday to me.

I made myself a crock pot Thai soup which was probably not that loving for Tanner - he doesn't do that kind of flavor etc, but I REALLY wanted something ethnic and I figured I could since it was my birthday and I was making it myself :) The kids even ate a bit of it. It was good. I also took myself to get a massage last minute. And Laura angel face came and watched the kids last minute. 80 minutes of pure heaven. Man I love those things. That was a special treat for sure! And after dinner we went to cold stone for a little treat. And I got a really small one and didn't feel guilty about eating it and didn't go home and binge on other sugar because I had already cheated, etc. And I got these funny pics of Lottie that make me laugh so much.

I didn't even give her a taste. Oops. She's been eyeing food lately :)

Anyway - it was such a good day and all the texts and calls and messages, etc from kind people that I love was also a happy thing! It feels good to be 35 and I think it's going to be a great year. I'm excited for it!