Life is Hard

I felt inclined to share some personal thoughts tonight. It was kind of a crappy day. I woke up to dog pee in Harvey and Greta's room and just overwhelmed by life and messes and the unending tasks of life and kids and home management. And then our basement room flooded again and so spent several hours of the day trying to get that cleaned up and taken care of. And I could add 20 other things that seem to weigh me down when life doesn't go smoothly. All the frustrations and stresses of life and money and food and weight loss and working and not sleeping and whatever else you want to add to the list. Somedays it's just fine. And some days it really just feels suffocating. I like to blame it on hormones or not sleeping or hunger or whatever, but sometimes, life really is just hard. But I have to share a few thoughts I've had today and yesterday that I want to remember and hopefully can keep it in perspective for me in the future or for my kids. So yesterday was also hard. Haha. Little kids are hard. Before work I was trying to get dinner ready and Harvey and Greta were fighting over something really dumb and then Greta was crying and Lottie woke up from a nap SUUUUPER grumpy and was losing her mind and I was about ready to explode inside. And I felt so frustrated. I missed a lot of conference just recently and so I've been trying to catch up so I was listening to a talk on the way in from Sunday afternoon's session. It was titled "The Immediate Goodness of God" by Elder Kyle S. McKay. He told a story about a woman that learned that her husband and son had been in a snowmobiling accident and her 10 year old son had died. I started bawling on the way to work. That kind of a challenge and grief is something I can't even comprehend and hope I never have to experience. And I felt like such a loser for being frustrated with my healthy, alive, wonderful kids. I think things like that are good to remember - that we should be so grateful for what we have and try to focus on that and realize it sure could be a lot worse, but also - again - and still - life is hard. Today was really hard for me. And I knew I should be happy that our whole house didn't flood or that we hadn't redone the basement from the last time we had water in it, or that my kids were alive and we have food and freedom and safety and everything.
But anyway - I woke up super frustrated and showing less love that I would like to the kids and less love in my speech and etc. Harvey went to school and even before the flooding I felt like I should just KNEEL down and ask for help to get through the day, because when it started I honestly just felt like I COULD NOT do it. I didn't for awhile. But finally didn't let the distractions get in the way, and I just said a prayer that I could cope and show love to my kids and just asked for help. Back to the "immediate goodness of God" talk - if you didn't catch it - look it up! He talks a lot about God's time being very different from ours and about challenges that don't end as quick as we'd like. But that there is IMMEDIATE help and support because of the Savior. The day turned out good. I felt sustained. I felt strength to get through it. And the challenges of my little day today were NOTHING compared to so many peoples challenges. Nothing. And I honestly don't feel I deserved the help. I was kind of a beast this morning and my attitude certainly didn't invite the spirit. But it was humbling to feel that help and know that He cares about me, no matter how small, simple or underserving it seems or feels. We watched a couple of Easter movies today on the atonement and resurrection. I love that we have so many resources to really turn our hearts towards the Savior this week, as we get to celebrate the greatest deliverance of all. I KNOW He lives. I KNOW He loves me and is aware of me and answers my prayers and is rooting for me. I know life is hard and will always have challenges and there will be lots more days where I feel like I just. can't. do. it. And I fail a lot. Man, I mess up so much as a mom and always try to show more love in my actions and reactions and tone and speech and so many nights I feel so bad for how little I measured up to my goals. (although - Harvey was playing with a friend from across the street and they were racing up and down the sidewalk and he was carrying him on his back, etc. etc. As he was heading back across the street I told him thanks for playing with him and said he was way more fun than me. Harvey corrected me and said I was way more fun than him, and then yelled after him that I was more fun. Haha. Made my mama heart happy). Harvey forgives my mess-ups and still loves me. And I know the Savior has a capacity to do that more than I can ever understand. I'm so grateful for the peace that brings and the simple answered prayer today and the chances to keep trying. I love the Lord. He is everything to me.